Howie the Cat

5:30 p.m. Friday, May 1

Servants have just returned home from grocery shopping. Not a moment too soon – there were only a few crumbs of food left on my plate and I was probably about to get hungry. The servants expect me to eat the many pieces of food that fall off my plate, which shows how poorly they were raised. Of course I will not eat off the floor.

Just got a whiff of the new bag of cat food purchased by the servants. Yessss. It is my favorite. I’m thankful the servants are not making cutbacks due to the recession by buying me generic food. I am NOT a generic cat.

6:15 p.m. Friday, May 1
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3:30 p.m. Sunday, March 1, 2009

My servants just returned from the store with an excellent new purchase. They replaced my small, outdated litter box with a gigantic state-of-the-art litter house. It’s not the Cat Box 9000 that I asked for, but it will do. This one holds much more litter! It is so big that when I kick the litter around, it echoes. I like to do this because it sounds like the cat gods are applauding my strength and agility. It’s nice to know that they’ve noticed.

4 p.m. Sunday, March 1, 2009

New litter house has been soiled. No longer any good. I hate it.

4:45 p.m. Sunday, March 1, 2009

Just discovered a new way to preserve my immortality! The she-servant is making cookies (and completely ignoring me, as you know she does) and was placing flat circles of dough on metal sheet about the size of my new litter house. When she’d placed a dozen unbaked cookies on the sheet, one of my hairs pricked me and I sensed my own ability to be evil.
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