2 p.m. Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I have seen the words written by What Cat? in my blog.

Her account of our run-in is ridiculous, and shame on her for touching my laptop. I will not comment further.

Servants, clean my laptop immediately.

6:30 p.m. Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I admit I have entirely stopped using my own litter box. What Cat?’s litter box is so much easier to find, since I am often stalking her. After using it a couple times I noticed how much nicer her litter box is. It clumps beautifully; there’s plenty of room for kicking and scratching; and there’s no roof, so I can kick lumps and bumps over the edge whenever I want. It’s a pleasure.

Oh dear. The she-servant is singing. Ooooo how terrible, make it stop!! I’ve laid my ears back as flat as I can, yet I can still hear her. She’s merciless! Must take cover under the futon. Be back soon.

6:42 p.m. Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Found one of my favorite toys under the futon. It’s shiny and it crinkles and makes the most satisfying “crunch” sound when I bite it. I am biting it right now.

Bleh, it smells strange. What Cat? has obviously been gumming it up. Gross. Worst toy ever!

I’m taking it so she can’t play with it. I keep my toys behind the television. This one will look good there.

12 p.m. Wednesday, July 1

Delivery man just came. He brought a large box – my favorite thing! The he-servant signed for it and took out a tiny pink laptop. Pink is not my favorite color, but if the laptop works, I’ll use it.

12:15 p.m. Wednesday, July 1

Something very strange just happened. The he-servant has given the pink laptop to What Cat? Why does she get a new laptop?! She is just a shelter cat! She doesn’t even have her front claws! She has been ALTERED!

The he-servant gave me the box from the laptop. I am not grateful, but I have accepted the “gift”. I dragged my laptop into the box and am typing from inside the box. The darkness consoles me.

Servants, order me the new Macbook immediately. And an iPhone. I know you read my blog, so do it now. And I forbid you to get What Cat? any additional electronics.

It is so good to be king.