8:30 a.m., Saturday, August 1
My food bowl is empty. So is What Cat?’s. I have been starving for at least 15 minutes.

This is an emergency!

Thankfully, the she-servant just got up. I must have my food bowl filled immediately.

I weaved between her ankles as she walked to the kitchen to make coffee. While she scooped coffee into the filter, I paced back and forth from the kitchen to my food dish. This is very clear communication for “FEED ME NOW IT’S AN EMERGENCY OH HOW TERRIBLE MOVE IT LADY!”

Finally. She notices! She’s filling my bowl now. Too slowly. Speed it up and get out of the way! Out!

Wow. I was starving for 18 minutes. Can you believe it?
4:00 a.m., Sunday, August 2
No one is petting me. No one! I am sitting here at the end of the servants’ bed, looking completely adorable. And what do I get? Instead of petting me, the she-servant is snoring. The he-servant is laying on his side like a log.

And here I am. Waiting.

I admit I am getting impatient. I’ve tried to get their attention – I sunk my claws into the bedspread and ripped as many stitches as I could.

…No response.

I let out a mournful yowl.

Nothing. Nothing! Unbelievable.

I am not used to being ignored. I do the ignoring around here! These servants are hurting my feelings. Their behavior will not go unpunished!

Since it is always in my best interest to be doing something constructive, I have spent the last two weeks building an enormous hairball in my stomach. It’s been aggravating me lately, but I have retained it to use it strategically. Now is the perfect time.

I began to hack and cough (of course this went unnoticed). I’m very good at bringing hairballs up and even better at placing them right where I want them. This one’s going on the foot of the bed on the he-servant’s side (where I used to sleep before he came along). They’ll be so sorry they didn’t comply with my wishes… excuse me…

(cough!)

(heave!)

(heave!)

(expulsion!)

There. A hairball in a pool of liquid. Sort of like spaghetti and meatballs. Beautiful.