8:59 p.m. Saturday, September 20, 2008
It’s pretty dark out right now. The sun is long gone and the last of the evening light is leaving the sky. I feel the darkness growing in my heart, too. I am about to be very bad; I need to be.

The he-servant is away tonight, so my options for vandalism and misdeeds are plenty. The she-servant is powerless to keep me from anything. With the he-servant gone, I can shred the carpet. I’ll drink from the toilet. Pee anywhere. And my favorite activity: I will hunt the she-servant.

Hunting the she-servant used to be a daily event before she brought home the he-servant. She would put her pajamas on and patter around the apartment. I would lurk until the moment was just right. Then, with all my might, I raced toward her. I lunged into her ankles and sunk my teeth into her calf. This was never pleasant for me, believe me. Rather than tasting of cheese, the way one would hope, she tasted human in the most disgusting way. Ugh; I always had to clean myself after the evening attack. If it weren’t for the way it made her respect and fear me, it wouldn’t be my all-time favorite activity.

There she is in the kitchen now, barefoot and dumb. She is finishing the dishes and anticipating a call from the he-servant. She is paying no attention to me, as usual, and I despise her for it. Should I pee? Attack? Pee? Attack?

Oh… excuse me… hairball…