The continuing adventures of Howie, the overly fuzzy mastermind

5 p.m., Friday, June 27, 2008
Something wonderful happened this afternoon.

At precisely 3 o’clock, the he-servant answered a knock at the door. There stood a pair of senior servants, whom the he-servant calls “parents.” Wearing grey hair and pastel clothing, the parents slowly entered my kingdom.

I instantly preferred them over my ordinary servants. My servants make sudden movements and terrible noises. They startle me awake daily with their careless thrashings. I could tell these new servants weren’t capable of sudden movements.

As a test, I wound my supple body between their ankles. Sure enough, they moved too slowly to trip over me. There’s an idea – servants you can’t trip! On one hand, that would make it harder to punish them, but on the other, I’d get more sleep. And since I prefer my own comfort even over the servants’ pain, I’ll take it.

10:20 p.m. Friday, June 27, 2008
I was very handsome this evening. I carefully cleaned myself after dinner in preparation for using my litter box. FYI, my time in the litter box was well spent.

Then I headed to the couch, where the senior servants were sitting. My original servants sat on the nearby loveseat.

“Come here, Howie,” my she-servant said. “Sit with me.”

“Come here, Howie,” the senior servants said. “Sit with us.”

With my big green eyes, I made eye contact with all four people. Then, looking at my original servants, I gracefully leapt to sit with the senior servants. Thus began The Snubbing.

The Snubbing is something I look forward to every time the servants have “guests.” It’s the painfully obvious decision I make to spend time only with the guests and never with my original servants. Do not cast judgment on me. The Snubbing is a regular part of maintaining servants, who otherwise tend to overestimate their importance.

9:15 a.m. Saturday, June 19
The servants are showing signs of jealousy. Instead of ignoring me this morning, the she-servant tried to pet me.  And instead of continuing his lazy habits, the he-servant cleaned my litter box and offered me catnip. I saw every move they made, and though I was drooling for a good hit of catnip, I strolled over to the senior servants. Then I yawned, stretched, and flopped at their feet.

They ate it up.

One of the senior servants was so taken by me, he offered me his brand new laptop. I laid on it immediately and am still there. It seems to have an internal heat source, which I appreciate, and is just the right size for my svelte body. I love this gift.

As icing on the cake, the senior servants pet and praise me for accepting their gift. This is the correct attitude to have.

I know the servants have noticed the model behavior of the guests; I can hear them talking about it in the kitchen. I pretend not to notice, but in truth, I’m so pleased I could purr. In fact I am purring. On days like this I truly love my life.